The Importance of a Stable Marriage

Marriage is on a slippery slope in America, and it needs some firming up. A report titled “The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012” discusses the dilemma of marriage and divorce in America. There is an obsession in society with celebrity marriages and overspending on weddings, according to the report the wedding industry generates an estimated $50 billion annually. The median age for first marriages is rising, “now 27 for women and 29 for men.” 

The report states this is due to more couples living together before marriage and a rise in the number of children born outside of wedlock. The lack of attention this trend is receiving is astounding. The report defines “Middle America” as “the nearly 60 percent of Americans aged 25 to 60 who have a high school but not a four-year college degree” and states that this portion of America is “rapidly slipping away.” Why is this happening? Because this portion of America is still looking for that stable marriage their parents had, but are unable to find the stability. This is the part of America that no one is talking about, the part that is slipping through the cracks. As the report states, the politicians are focused on the “newly visible gay and lesbian couples” and has “devoted scant attention to the rapid disappearance of marriage in Middle America.” Just as in the 2012 presidential elections, family structure and child well-being have been seldom, if at all mentioned during these current presidential debates.

To be married, one makes a promise to love and cherish their spouse. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is important to preserve the sanctity of marriage. It is understood that there are extreme reasons for divorce, but one would hope that is not the case. I was a divorcee myself, I did not plan on divorcing my first husband, but to stay would have been wrong for many reasons. Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated, “There are many good Church members who have been divorced…We know that many of you are innocent victims…” The Proclamation to the Family states, “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” This is the basis of a study done by Paul R. Amato which was published in 2005 called “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation.”

In the study it was found that single parenting puts children at risk economically, socially, mentally, and a higher exposure to stress. Amato used a study done in 1995 showing the effects of adolescents whether they had repeated a grade, been suspended from school, engaged in delinquent behavior, engaged in a violent altercation, received counseling or therapy for an emotional problem, smoked cigarettes regularly during the last month, thought about suicide, or attempted suicide. The responses were from two sets of teens, one were from two parent homes, the other single parent homes. The results were astonishing:

Adolescents living with single parents consistently report encountering more problems than those living with continuously married parents. Thirty percent of the former reported that they had repeated a grade, as against 19 percent of the latter. Similarly, 40 percent of children living with single parents reported having been suspended from school, compared with 21 percent of children living with continuously married parents. Children in stable, two-parent families also were less likely to have engaged in delinquency or violence, seen a therapist for an emotional problem, smoked during the previous month, or thought about or attempted suicide. These findings are consistent with research demonstrating that children living with continuously married parents report fewer problems than do other children. The increase in risk associated with living without both parents ranged from about 23 percent (for being involved in a violent altercation) to 127 percent (for receiving emotional therapy).

What Amato found in his study is “compared with other children, those who grow up in stable, two-parent families have a higher standard of living, receive more effective parenting, experience more cooperative co-parenting, are emotionally closer to both parents (especially fathers), and are subjected to fewer stressful events and circumstances.”

Elder Dallin H. Oaks testifies to us, “…the sweetness of the marriage and family life that the family proclamation describes as founded upon a husband and wife’s “solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children” and “upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.” Marriage in America is still valued by many and must remain as such.

Photo courtesy of LDS media
https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/forever-and-always-1152809?lang=eng