Is Your Marriage A Contract Or A Covenant?

Eternal marriage is central to Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness. It allows families to find true joy in this life and to continue and progress throughout eternity. In his first address to the general Church membership as President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Gordon B. Hinckley said: “To my beloved wife of fifty-eight years later this month, I express appreciation. … How grateful I am for this precious woman who has walked at my side through sunshine and storm. We do not stand as tall as we once did. But there has been no shrinkage in our love one for another.”

Many people believe that marriage and family life are only mortal experiences, based upon contractual marriages. But as members of the Church, we know that a worthy couple can enter the temple and, through a sacred priesthood ordinance, be sealed together as husband and wife for eternity. When a man and woman are married in this way, an eternal family begins, based upon covenant marriages.

Bruce C. Hafen explained the difference between contractual and covenant marriage this way, “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”

A contractual marriage is a union between a man and a woman performed in a secular place. As Bruce C. Hafen said, “Even secular marriage was historically a three-party covenant among a man, a woman, and the state.”

A covenant marriage is between a man and a woman, and Heavenly Father performed in the Lord’s Temple. When we enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage, the union becomes far more than a civil contract. The ordinances in the temple draw us heavenward as God becomes a partner to our covenants. These ordinances can help us gain an eternal perspective of our marriage and be more committed to each other and to God.

In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” the First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles proclaim “that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” This keynote sentence of the proclamation teaches us much about the doctrinal significance of marriage and emphasizes the primacy of marriage and family in the Father’s plan. Righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship that can be perpetuated beyond the grave.

Eternal marriage is not merely a temporary legal contract that can be terminated at any time for almost any reason. Rather, it is a sacred covenant with God that can be binding in time and throughout all eternity. Faithfulness and fidelity in marriage must not simply be attractive words spoken in sermons; rather, they should be principles evident in our own covenant marriage relationships.

A favorite quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley, “How sweet is the assurance, how comforting is the peace that come from the knowledge that if we marry right and live right, our relationship will continue…”

References:

Bednar, D.A. (2006, June) Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan.p1?lang=eng

Hafen, B.C. (1996, October) Covenant Marriage. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng

Hinckley, G.B. (2003, July) The Marriage That Endures. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2003/07/the-marriage-that-endures?lang=eng

Hinckley, G.B. (1995, May) This Is the Work of the Master. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/1995/05/this-is-the-work-of-the-master?lang=eng

Marriage A Re-Definition?!

Since the dawn of time it has been man and woman together. Adam and Eve were commanded to leave the Garden of Eden, to go forth and “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.” (Gen 1:28) This was the first marriage upon the earth as we know it. Man and woman, together to have children and form the first family. “For those millennia, across all those civilizations, “marriage” referred to only one relationship: the union of a man and a woman.” (Roberts, C.J. Dissenting, pg 4) This is how families are created, by a man and a woman, legally and lawfully wedded… preferably in the Lord’s temple.

That is until a few years ago, when same-sex partners felt that they should be married as well. This turned the institution of marriage upside down. When looking at the courts history, this has been in the system since 1971, when the first same-sex couple sued to be allowed to marry in the state of Minnesota. In all actuality, this is not a new issue, this has been building for over forty years. These couples are seeking to ratify their love for each other and to get the rights they need for insurance coverage, medical needs, custody rights, etc. While I do not wish to deny them this right, I cannot support a same-sex “traditional marriage.” A traditional marriage, in the eyes of God is between a man and a woman, not between parties of the same-sex.

The First Presidency has said, “In view of the close links that have long existed between marriage, procreation, gender, and parenting, same-sex marriage cannot be regarded simply as the granting of a new “right.” It is a far-reaching redefinition of the very nature of marriage itself. It marks a fundamental change in the institution of marriage in ways that are contrary to God’s purposes for His children and detrimental to the long-term interests of society.” (Divine Institution of Marriage)

Although I do not wish to see the institution of marriage be turned upside down, I do wish for these couples to have the same rights which a traditional couple receives. I perceive that there are things that are not going to change in this world, these couples will continue to cohabitate, bring children into their homes, and need the same consideration a traditional couple needs.

I am not saying that I condone their relationships, but I do not want to discriminate against them as well. I am thankful for the guidance of the First Presidency in this, “Many advocates of same-sex marriage argue that traditional standards of sexual morality have changed and that “tolerance” requires that these new standards be recognized and codified in law. If tolerance is defined as showing kindness for others and respect for differing viewpoints, it is an important value in all democratic societies. But as Elder Dallin H. Oaks has observed, ‘Tolerance does not require abandoning one’s standards or one’s opinions on political or public policy choices. Tolerance is a way of reacting to diversity, not a command to insulate it from examination.’” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Weightier Matters,” Ensign, Jan. 2001, 17)

The recent decision handed down from the Supreme Court Justices regarding same-sex marriages was unexpected. The idea that the Justices would put into play a law that would designate how each State would marry their constituents amazed me. As the dissent by Justice Roberts affirms, “It is instead about whether, in our democratic republic, that decision should rest with the people acting through their elected representatives, or with five lawyers who happen to hold commissions authorizing them to resolve legal disputes according to law. The Constitution leaves no doubt about the answer.” (Roberts, C.J. Dissenting, pg 3) I will respect this law, because not only is it the “law of the land,” but this is how I was raised by my parents.

This is what Elder Dallin H. Oaks had to say when addressing the Second Annual Sacramento Court/Clergy Conference in Sacramento, California, on October 20, 2015, “I say to my fellow believers that we should not assert the free exercise of religion to override every law and government action that could possibly be interpreted to infringe on institutional or personal religious freedom. As I have often said, the free exercise of religion obviously involves both the right to choose religious beliefs and affiliations and the right to exercise or practice those beliefs. But in a nation with citizens of many different religious beliefs, the right of some to act upon their religious principles must be circumscribed by the government’s responsibility to protect the health and safety of all. Otherwise, for example, the government could not protect its citizens’ person or property from neighbors whose intentions include taking human life or stealing in circumstances purportedly rationalized by their religious beliefs.”(Divine)

Again, from the First Presidency, “The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman “neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.”Church members are to treat all people with love and humanity. They may express genuine love and kindness toward a gay or lesbian family member, friend, or other person without condoning any redefinition of marriage.”(Divine)

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, along with many other churches, organizations, and individuals, will continue to defend the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman, because it is a compelling moral issue of profound importance to our religion and to the future of society.”

I would like to add the final words from the Proclamation to the Family and give my testimony of its truth. “We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

References

"Church Responds to Same-Sex Marriage Votes." www.mormonnewsroom.org. 2008. Web. <http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-responds-to-same-sex-marriage-votes>.

ROBERTS, C. J., dissenting, Obergefell vs. Hodges (6/26/2015), 576 U.S.

The First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles. "The Divine Institution of Marriage." 2008. Web. < http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage>.

The First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles (Sept. 23, 1995) The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Web. <https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng>.

Photo courtesy of LDS media
https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/garden-of-eden-clawson-art-37727?lang=eng

The Importance of a Stable Marriage

Marriage is on a slippery slope in America, and it needs some firming up. A report titled “The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012” discusses the dilemma of marriage and divorce in America. There is an obsession in society with celebrity marriages and overspending on weddings, according to the report the wedding industry generates an estimated $50 billion annually. The median age for first marriages is rising, “now 27 for women and 29 for men.” 

The report states this is due to more couples living together before marriage and a rise in the number of children born outside of wedlock. The lack of attention this trend is receiving is astounding. The report defines “Middle America” as “the nearly 60 percent of Americans aged 25 to 60 who have a high school but not a four-year college degree” and states that this portion of America is “rapidly slipping away.” Why is this happening? Because this portion of America is still looking for that stable marriage their parents had, but are unable to find the stability. This is the part of America that no one is talking about, the part that is slipping through the cracks. As the report states, the politicians are focused on the “newly visible gay and lesbian couples” and has “devoted scant attention to the rapid disappearance of marriage in Middle America.” Just as in the 2012 presidential elections, family structure and child well-being have been seldom, if at all mentioned during these current presidential debates.

To be married, one makes a promise to love and cherish their spouse. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is important to preserve the sanctity of marriage. It is understood that there are extreme reasons for divorce, but one would hope that is not the case. I was a divorcee myself, I did not plan on divorcing my first husband, but to stay would have been wrong for many reasons. Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated, “There are many good Church members who have been divorced…We know that many of you are innocent victims…” The Proclamation to the Family states, “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” This is the basis of a study done by Paul R. Amato which was published in 2005 called “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation.”

In the study it was found that single parenting puts children at risk economically, socially, mentally, and a higher exposure to stress. Amato used a study done in 1995 showing the effects of adolescents whether they had repeated a grade, been suspended from school, engaged in delinquent behavior, engaged in a violent altercation, received counseling or therapy for an emotional problem, smoked cigarettes regularly during the last month, thought about suicide, or attempted suicide. The responses were from two sets of teens, one were from two parent homes, the other single parent homes. The results were astonishing:

Adolescents living with single parents consistently report encountering more problems than those living with continuously married parents. Thirty percent of the former reported that they had repeated a grade, as against 19 percent of the latter. Similarly, 40 percent of children living with single parents reported having been suspended from school, compared with 21 percent of children living with continuously married parents. Children in stable, two-parent families also were less likely to have engaged in delinquency or violence, seen a therapist for an emotional problem, smoked during the previous month, or thought about or attempted suicide. These findings are consistent with research demonstrating that children living with continuously married parents report fewer problems than do other children. The increase in risk associated with living without both parents ranged from about 23 percent (for being involved in a violent altercation) to 127 percent (for receiving emotional therapy).

What Amato found in his study is “compared with other children, those who grow up in stable, two-parent families have a higher standard of living, receive more effective parenting, experience more cooperative co-parenting, are emotionally closer to both parents (especially fathers), and are subjected to fewer stressful events and circumstances.”

Elder Dallin H. Oaks testifies to us, “…the sweetness of the marriage and family life that the family proclamation describes as founded upon a husband and wife’s “solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children” and “upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.” Marriage in America is still valued by many and must remain as such.

Photo courtesy of LDS media
https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/forever-and-always-1152809?lang=eng

"Marriage is a divine institution..."

"The sacred bonds of marriage invite unity, fidelity, respect, and mutual support."
-Elder L. Tom Perry